Eve of Cycle 2 Day 1

I start the first day of my second cycle tomorrow. It is also my first infusion day at the Carilion facility.
I DON'T WANT TO GO!!
I guess it is good that I sorta know what to expect since I've done this once before. However, I'm not sure if my body may respond a little differently. I'm expecting it may be a little worse this time since my second and third cycles will be so close together. I expect the toxicity to be more since there won't be as much "off" time between the cycles. I feel the reflux, nausea, and anxiety getting worse just thinking about it.
My parents are here staying with Jon and me. Jon is working; so I need my parents to drive me back and forth to chemo. I'm very thankful for them and their help.

Date Night

My chemo was delayed till next week to give the insurance company time to get my new policy and paperwork approved for my 2nd and 3rd cycles to be paid for at Carilion. I've had a good week. I've looked at furniture, bought things for the house, and settled in nicely. I've made some nice meals for my husband. So, tonight after a nice week, we decided to have a date night. Jon brought me a nice bouquet of flowers after he finished work. Then he took me to a nice Brazilian restaurant called Carlos. The food was wonderful. It was so nice to eat a delicious meal before I start my 2nd cycle of chemo on Monday. I'm just now getting over the reflux just in time for it to start all over again. I won't be eating any yummy sea bass for the next 4 weeks. After next weeks chemo, I'll be fighting to eat anything again.

For tonight, it was great to be out with my husband. Feeling pretty and good and having great company again. It was nice and romantic and a great way to celebrate before starting cycle 2. Thanks honey. I love you.

Meeting Carilion

Yesterday I met my new primary care physician. He is a nice young family practice physician. He liked to talk. However, I was a bit disappointed that he didn't touch me. He obviously noticed I'm a cancer patient (I think the lack of hair gave it away). He commented that he didn't want to touch me...'because of the sick patients I have seen today'. Meanwhile, I'm thinking "My white count is good and I feel fine." Either way, he gave me my prescriptions for my as needed medicines. Thanks to chemo, I'm now taking a bunch of different medicines to help me with the side effects.

I met my new oncologist today. His office is in a very nice new building where Carilion has been doing new development. The facilities are very nice. The doctor himself knows this type of malignancy. However, it still felt cold there. The people were nice. But, they don't know me. I don't know them. It just felt different from St. Mary's. I miss St. Mary's. So much so that it made me cry today. St. Mary's made me feel like home. I had family there. Carilion makes me feel like a patient and I feel like they rush through as if healthcare were more of a business and not as patient oriented. Hopefully the feeling will go away with time and as I become more familiar with them.

I just miss home.

Last Week of Work

I have officially finished my last week of work at St Mary's. I was very glad to be able to return to work for several reasons. 1. I actually like my job and like working. 2. I was sick of being the patient and happy to be the practitioner again. 3. I've loved working at St. Mary's. I have great co-workers that I consider family and really wanted the opportunity to say Goodbye. Many of my co-workers haven't known what I've been going through over the past 2 months. I had a lot of questions to answer. So many thought I had already moved. It was nice to see everyone and have some closure.

I can't believe it has been over 2 years since I first started working at St. Mary's. When I first started, I was scared. Scared of medicine (I had a general surgery background) and of how large St Mary's is (approx 350 beds). I took the job cause I thought it would help expand my knowledge base and because there weren't any other great opportunities. I am so glad I've worked here. I have worked with great physicians and nurses whom have taught me so much. I have made great friends whom I will never forget. I definitely feel like I have a work family. I have also worked for a great supervising physician. He has taught me so much about medicine, the business of healthcare, and life. I have appreciated the autonomy he has given me. He has entrusted the care of his patients to me on many occasions and we have worked well together. I also appreciate the way he has respected me and my opinions has a professional. He has listened to my recommendations and actually used them!!

I joined the hospitalist when the program first started and I feel like the team as a whole has grown a lot of the past 2 years. Yes, we have had tough times when we have been under staffed and worked long hours. We have had growing pains. As a PA, my role and job function has changed more times than I can count. However, I've worked with great people and taken care of good patients. I feel like my comments, recommendations, and advice have been listened to and contributed to our improvement.

I did well this week. I had been off for 6 weeks. After day 1, I felt 'back in the saddle'. My energy level has surprised me. I have only napped 1 day this week and it was Saturday. I made it through each 12hour day impressed that I was still going.

I am enjoying my going away presents of a St. Mary's polo shirt & St. Mary's pens! I will also enjoy my St. Mary's golf umbrella to keep my wig dry when it is raining and my head free from sunburn when it's sunny. I thank all of my St. Mary's Family for a great 2 years!! Good Bye!

Wig

Today was the first day I wore my wig to work. It felt great on my head and looks good on me. My coworkers all agreed that it is very natural looking. Several co-workers who weren't aware of my treatment commented on how nice my hair looked today and how they liked my new hair style. Little did they know it isn't my hair at all! I'll definitely continue to wear the wig even as my hair grows back.
Meanwhile, my hair is still falling out. I now understand why men complain of itchy necks when they come home after hair cuts. Those pesky little hairs like to hide under shirts and on the back of your neck and even on your head. Then they itch all day long. I joke that I traded my hairbrush in for a lint roller. But, the lint roller really works. It feels good catching all those stray hairs and helps cut back on the shedding. I think I'm more bald then hair now.
I also am happy I cut my hair. I'm sure other women who have gone through chemo will agree that it is nice to have a little control in an uncontrollable situation. I'm glad my hair shortened in phases. Plus, it is so much easier having it all come out when it is an itch long instead of itches or a foot long.
Kinda cool thought: the God who created us loves us and knows us so well that He knows the number of hairs on our heads. Seeing all those hairs going reminds me how much He loves me. He knows how many I've lost and how many are yet to go. Plus, He'll bring them all back when this trial is over. Amen!

First Day Back to Work

I returned to work today for the first time in 6 weeks. The day went well. Thankfully we weren't too busy and it made for a good day to ease back into things. I didn't want to come back to Huntington after moving into my new home in Roanoke. However, I'm happy to have an opportunity to say goodbye to my coworkers. Many of the nursing staff had thought I had already moved and finished working since I had been gone so long. Plus, many of them didn't know about my diagnosis. I just wore a scrub hat and scrubs today to hopefully induce questions today. That way I could get all the questions and talk over with and get on with work the rest of the week. We'll see how it goes. So, at the end of my first day I'm beat and ready for bed. Hope tomorrow goes as well as today.

Hair loss

My hair is falling out. Like, a lot. I first really noticed it when I showered. I'd shampoo and end up with a handful of hair. Yuck! It would clog my shower drain. It made me cry. So, I had my husband buzz it all off. He didn't like the job, but I needed someone to do it. He wouldn't take me to nothing so I got a buzz cut at level 3. Well, it's still falling out and now I have bald patches. However, it feels so much better not having it. At least now when it falls out it is only about 2-2.5 inches long. I now understand why men say their necks itch after a hair cut. My neck itches by the end of the day from all my short hairs that have fallen out.
I go without head coverings when I'm hanging around the house. I wear a hat when I go out. I have some really cute ones thanks to my Aunt Terry. (Shout out!) I also have a really nice wig. I have my bases covered when needed. My father-in-law is also a great sport and jokes with me that at least my hair will grow back after treatments.